WIMP'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING PRISON

You don't have to be a tough guy to survive-but you do have to be smart.

There are some simple things that you can do in prison which will usually keep you out of trouble.

1) Don't do anything to draw unnecessary attention to yourself.

2) Figure out the zeitgeist of the prison, and try to blend in.

3) Don't ever brag about yourself.

4) Whenever possible, stay clear of the COs. Some are reasonable, but don't assume that's the case.

5) Never borrow anything from anybody.

6) If somebody does borrow something, assume it's gone.

7) Don't gamble.

8) Don't use drugs.

9) Make everyday count. Try to get smarter, stronger, and healthier every single day. That's your most important job.

10) Do whatever is necessary to maintain healthy relationships with those on the outside. You probably will never see anyone you meet on the inside ever again.

11) Be respectful of other inmates. "Please", "thank you", and "excuse me" go a long way, even in prison.

12) Don't stare at anybody.

13) Don't burglarize other people's conversations.

14) Prison sentences usually end. Focus on what you can do to prepare yourself for life after prison.

15) Good luck. It's probably not as bad as you think.michaelkaplanauthor.com

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BOP to Tekashi 69: Asthma Shmasma

Inmate Daniel Hernandez, also known as Tekashi 69 , has asthma, making him particularly vulnerable to Covid-19. When the medical director of his facility recommended that he be transferred to a hospital prison authorities reacted dogmatically, as they often do. They overruled the doctor. Sentencing Judge Paul Egelmayer stated that he would have ordered home confinement if he had known about Covid-19, but he knew that ultimately, the BOP does as it pleases. So, Tekashi 69 remains incarcerated, with asthma, in an environment that is a breeding ground for infectious disease.

PRISON SOAP....WHERE IS IT?

When inmates take a dump in prison, they have to bring their own toilet paper with them. There is no toilet paper in the restroom. None. Then, they go to wash their hands...maybe. But guess what? There is no soap. There may be a soap dispenser, but unless there's an inspection by some regulatory agency, there is no soap. Inmates can buy soap in the commissary for $2, which many don't have. That's not the only problem with preventing the spread of diseases, such as Covid-19. Don't even think about disinfecting surfaces or the use of hand sanitizers. Most of these products contain alcohol, verboten in prison. The other key component to preventing the spread of Covid-19 is social distancing. That obviously is in short supply. All of the components are there for massive headaches for the BOP, which will affect inmates, as well as the prison staff, and their families. Read more here

SNEEZING IN PRISON

SNEEZING WRONG IN PRISON CAN GET YOU PUNCHED IN THE FACE . Prison habits and customs are steeped in retrograde beliefs. While belching, farting, and yelling are par for the course, when it comes to sneezing, other inmates are vigilant in expecting others to follow a particular protocol. With the advent of Covid-19, this particular outre behavior may actually make some sense! Rather than cupping their mouth with their hand, inmates tend to sneeze into their shirts. This is considered both considerate, as well as sanitary in prison. One out of every fifteen people born in the year 2000 will be incarcerated at some time in their life. Hopefully, you're not one of them. For more great tips of surviving prison, see the prison survival guide for wimps.

Michael Kaplan

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