Michael Kaplan

NEW CASES OF COVID-19  LOMPOC FEDERAL PRISON: 310  REST OF SANTA BARBARA COUNTRY:1   An incarcerated physician describes his  chilling experiences with healthcare at  Lompoc Prison. The medical staff was rumored to be staffed by Doctors Mengele and Kevorkian, recruited from Africa after their clitorectomy practice dried up. They supposedly emerged at Lompoc where they learned they would be inoculated against civil litigation. When you enter prison, the world leaves you behind. You quickly realize that your life is inconsequential, and your medical problems are of little import. In my case, I needed a prostate pill that I had taken for years which was not on the formulary of drugs provided by the clinic. The formulary held a grand total of about one hundred types of pills to cover a gamut of medical illnesses. As long as your condition could be treated by one of those few pills, you were in good shape. If not, you had to request an appointment to see Dr. K...

Disgraced rapper R. Kelly now resides in Chicago MCC, a guest of the BOP as he awaits his trial on racketeering and sexual misconduct charges. Like other well-heeled he inmates he has attempted to await further disposition in home confinement. The facility where he currently resides is home to over 700 other men. Obviously, social distancing is nonexistent at MCC, but in addition, there is a paucity of toilet paper. There is hand sanitizer, but only for use by the staff. With underlying medical problems that put him at greater risk, the rapper has a reasonable expectation of being placed in an environment that is not potentially deadly.

When inmates take a dump in prison, they have to bring their own toilet paper with them. There is no toilet paper in the restroom. None. Then, they go to wash their hands...maybe. But guess what? There is no soap. There may be a soap dispenser, but unless there's an inspection by some regulatory agency, there is no soap. Inmates can buy soap in the commissary for $2, which many don't have. That's not the only problem with preventing the spread of diseases, such as Covid-19. Don't even think about disinfecting surfaces or the use of hand sanitizers. Most of these products contain alcohol, verboten in prison. The other key component to preventing the spread of Covid-19 is social distancing. That obviously is in short supply. All of the components are there for massive headaches for the BOP, which will affect inmates, as well as the prison staff, and their families. Read more  here

Inmate Daniel Hernandez, also known as Tekashi 69 , has asthma, making him particularly vulnerable to Covid-19. When the medical director of his facility recommended that he be transferred to a hospital prison authorities reacted dogmatically, as they often do. They overruled the doctor. Sentencing Judge Paul Egelmayer stated that he would have ordered home confinement if he had known about Covid-19, but he knew that ultimately, the BOP does as it pleases. So, Tekashi 69 remains incarcerated, with asthma, in an environment that is a breeding ground for infectious disease.

Fear of rape is the first thing most guys worry about when they find out that they're going to be incarcerated. There are over 13,000,000 million people jailed in the United States every year, with 2,500,000 sent to prison. With 5% of the world's population, America has 23% of the world's prison population. BUTT BANDIT: Prison nomenclature for a sexual predator. BUSTING CHEEKS: Prison nomenclature for forced intercourse What are some of the risk factors? 1) The type of prison. Lower level facilities, such as camps, or lows have much lower recorded incidents of sexual predation. 2) Gay men have a higher likelihood of being violated. 3) Younger inmates are more likely to be sexually assaulted. What are the numbers? Prison rape is likely under-reported, however, the Bureau of Justice Statistics stated that there were 8,763 allegations of sexual victimization in prisons, jails and correctional facilities in 2011. To read the full report, click  here .

SNEEZING WRONG IN PRISON CAN GET YOU PUNCHED IN THE FACE . Prison habits and customs are steeped in retrograde beliefs. While belching, farting, and yelling are par for the course, when it comes to sneezing, other inmates are vigilant in expecting others to follow a particular protocol. With the advent of Covid-19, this particular outre behavior may actually make some sense! Rather than cupping their mouth with their hand, inmates tend to sneeze into their shirts. This is considered both considerate, as well as sanitary in prison.  One out of every fifteen people born in the year 2000 will be incarcerated at some time in their life. Hopefully, you're not one of them. For more great tips of surviving prison, see the  prison survival guide for wimps.

Sancho is the name bestowed upon your wife's or girlfriend's lover. How likely is your girl to cheat while you're in the slammer? Each year that you're incarcerated increases the odds of your marriage ending in divorce by 32%. Some marriages survive even long periods of incarceration. Obviously, the stronger things were before you went in, the less likely is that things will fall apart.       That means that you want to do EVERYTHING in your power to make things right BEFORE you start your period of confinement, which is challenging because that's likely when you'll be at your worst, not your best. Rest assured that the world is full of potential Sanchos who will seditiously try to take advantage of the situation. It's tragic, but most guys will have to deal with fractious relationships while they're in the joint and psychologically vulnerable.       Make sure you do whatever you can to maintain a relationship while you're doi...

Don't get sick in prison.  First the good news. I saw plenty of inmates that entered prison with chronic medical problems including hypertension, diabetes, and obesity that left in better shape than when they entered. They did this by assuming responsibility for their own well-being. With so little to do, there is an abundance of time to exercise every day. The food is not great, but most prisons afford the inmates the opportunity to eat reasonably well.       There are several reasons to prioritize fitness while incarcerated. michaelkaplanauthor.com Exercising will help combat depression, which is rampant in prison. It will help fill your day. You can potentially add years to your life to negate the years of your life that the BOP had taken away.       Healthcare resources are limited, the formularies are archaic, and providers tend to be truculent and abrasive. Your only chance as an inmate is to be polite, but also persistent. ...